Hmm, let's unload for a sec

I need more friend interaction...I'm slowly dying on the inside. I will be relieved when all my support is raised. I know God will bring it in and so far it has definitely come in in unexpected ways, which is so exciting. I'm getting tired though, I mean I'm always tired on some level because I live like a crazy intense person and don't sleep enough, but I am getting mentally and emotionally tired in relation to this whole process. PFO (pre-field orientation) training in New York will be a refreshing vacation, haha. It should be nice to meet the other new teachers to next year and I even get to go to Niagra Falls! How lucky I am:) I really crave friends, esp my christian friends. I am starting to feel sadder and sadder now...maybe I should stop thinking about it.

I was just talking to David, which is always nice since that's really the majority of our relationship, and he was telling me about a newly formed Realness Patrol of sorts. Apparently, this group of people really dislikes fakeness. I also dislike fakeness and I actually find it pretty hard to be friends with people who are fake. I consider myself a pretty real person, especially since I am just open and honest with people all the time to the point of just telling them everything that goes on in my life and in my head. Sometimes I have to be careful with that though because 1) not everyone wants to hear my every thought 2) sometimes that isn't appropriate 3)...well actually I think 1 and 2 cover it all. Sometimes my realness leads to people not particularly liking me, but at least it's the real me they are liking or disliking. I think sometimes I am less comfortable around some people so I am less able to be myself. I hate that. Generally though if people are interested in really knowing me and are real with me, I am able to really be myself with them. You know, I really hate insecurity. When I say this I am only referring to my own. It doesn't bother me one bit when someone else is insecure. I really just do my best to assure them as much as I can (trying not to be too excessive though). I am not saying that I just tell them all these great things about them to make them feel better, I am just telling them what is true about themselves so maybe they'll see that they don't really have the right perspective of themselves. I think insecurities sometimes come from wanting to impress people and feeling like you won't be able to, or are not, and then letting it make you feel bad about yourself. I really just wish everyone were more reaffirming of others. There is so much negative sarcasm and tearing down of other people. It just hurts my heart. I mean I am not saying be fake-ly positive about people (see "realness" portion above), I am just saying, let people know what you appreciate about them and just try to find things to legitimately praise. I definitely know some people like this and I really appreciate them. I would definitely say that the approval and love of God should be more than enough to affirm people and give people worth, but sadly humans are kind of dumb and sometimes we just need to hear it audibly spoken to us. I'm sure the fact that God's approval doesn't seem to be enough sometimes makes Him sad, but He's not surprised. I guess what I'm saying is we should love God and love others, find our worth in Christ and not in others opinions of us, and I am also saying sometimes that is hard so it's nice to help each other out.

I love you, you are so precious to me, and I am more than excited about hearing from you:) Let me know how I can pray for you.